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Him

I wanted to know if the others could see…
Are we in love, or is it just me?
I wanted to ask you if you could believe
Is it fun, is it play, is it something you need?
I’ll open my mouth but I never will speak.
I wanted to ask, but I know I’m too meek.
I know you may love me and don’t want to leave--
But I’m wondering if you could ever conceive
Of a time when we could face this world as a team.
I’m wondering and wandering and feeling naïve.
All this living-in-the-moment makes me feel free
But I’m sad that I can’t wear my heart on my sleeve.
No matter what doubts or fears I start to perceive,
I’m thinking, I’m wondering. But I know one thing:
I love you enough to let you be free.
And you love me enough to let me be me.

I love you enough to let you be free
And when I’m with you, I feel like I’m me.

A Stalking Evil

I am contented,
Walking around breathing in
The peace around me.
I am blessed.
I have everything I need
And desire, and want.

But there is a dark cloud following me.
He's miserable and seeks my company.
He covers every bright day
Without leaving so much as a rainbow.

There is quicksand hidden in every path.
I never see him coming.
Then he brings me down into his depths
And makes me feel lower than the earth.

How do I make my dark cloud disappear?
How do I avoid the depths of the quicksand?
I'll hold my umbrella
And walk tall over a bridge.

You can't hurt me anymore.

My Ghosts

They warned me what I would carry
If I invested myself in others.

Now, I have ghosts all around me.
The fade into one another.
And haunt me each day.

Within the embrace of their arms,
They each took their pieces.
Now they stand around me and I plea

"Give me my pieces back."
But they fade so easily.
It's strange to be stripped of so much and still whole.

I've gathered up my pieces to take home.
Now I'm twice the woman I was.
But I was only half to start with.

How is it they can mean so much to me, and yet so little?
For I feel the great significance they leave on me.
But it's not my burden anymore.

Finally comfortable in my own skin,
I don't need to worry about who I let in.

The Long Fall

Our fall from grace was a steep drop.
We had a long way to fall.
It was a short treck to the top
But we slipped and lost it all.

When I finally opened my eyes,
I found myself shattered like glass
And people walking quickly by
Saying, "This too, shall pass."

They handed me some glue
And waited for me to use it
But I didn't know what to do
So now I think I blew it.

We had a long way to fall
And I watched you go to the ground.
You didn't seem to see me at all
With your body lying face down.

All I have, while I lie broken
Are my memories at the top
But I will let them go unspoken
For I can bear them not.

You Put Words in My Mouth

I tried to work my pen one day
And couldn't make it move.
I tried to write a poem that day,
But didn't have a clue.

I read some Poe and Dickinsen
But that just made me blue.
I couldn't write a poem that day
Until I thought of you.

All the words I wanted to say
You had for me, my muse.
You kept them deep and hidden away
Til I entered the room.

Unlocking the place where my words lay
Was easy enough to do,
When you saw me and said, "Please stay,"
That day I fell for you.

Now our journey has taken us way
Past where we intended to.
So mold my hidden words from clay
While I keep loving you.

Gagged

I feel silenced, muted,
Disregarded, refuted.
All the words pouring out of my lips
Evaporate before they take a grip.

Tied down to an uncomfortable seat,
I wriggle and struggle and you never see.
My words, which for you were suited,
Died before they became rooted.

I wanted you to drink a bit
But the drink went cold before you sipped.
I'm stirring and cooking my words within me
But they disappear before you can eat.

So I feel silenced, muted.
And I'll never speak again.

Repressed Screams

I've sat in silence for so long,
My thoughts are scattered,
My screams muffled.
But now I'll scream a little louder,
Even if it doesn't make sense.

Everyone wants to fix my pain.
It's easy for them to say what I should do.
But they don't know my heart.
I care too deeply to follow their advicie.
I care so deeply I'm falling apart.

And yet, I still hope for my happy ending.
It breaks my heart to think about how badly I want it.
My situtation is broken, I am broken,
But I see that wholeness far up ahead
And I'm stretching my body as far as it will go
To reach the light at the end of the tunnel.

Sometimes, I wish my own light had diminished years ago.
I think about when I had the chance and didn't.
I think about whether or not that would have been better.
I think about not being.

But I can't think about it anymore.
I have chosen to endure.
Endure in whatever hell I'm sliding into.
Maybe, just maybe, one day,
My arm will reach far enough to touch the light.

The Battle

Temptations are as real as flesh.
They stare into your eyes
And wait there until you act.
When you don't act,
They stare even harder.
Even when you take a stand,
They don't truly leave...
They just flea to the back of your mind
And wait for you to become weak.
They strike on lonely nights
And torment you through dull days.
You will always wonder what if.
It will never let you rest.
An old woman must accept her fate.
The old woman realizes what it means.

A Sneaking Season

The cool,haunting autumn feeling
Creeps up on me at dusk
Of a fall evening.

Fires roaring,
Children enjoying a jump in the leaves.

A walk with my darling
Through an old cemetary.

Autumn is here.

Oct. 21, 2011

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ribqah
i saw my genius while i slept
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