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Repressed Screams

I've sat in silence for so long,
My thoughts are scattered,
My screams muffled.
But now I'll scream a little louder,
Even if it doesn't make sense.

Everyone wants to fix my pain.
It's easy for them to say what I should do.
But they don't know my heart.
I care too deeply to follow their advicie.
I care so deeply I'm falling apart.

And yet, I still hope for my happy ending.
It breaks my heart to think about how badly I want it.
My situtation is broken, I am broken,
But I see that wholeness far up ahead
And I'm stretching my body as far as it will go
To reach the light at the end of the tunnel.

Sometimes, I wish my own light had diminished years ago.
I think about when I had the chance and didn't.
I think about whether or not that would have been better.
I think about not being.

But I can't think about it anymore.
I have chosen to endure.
Endure in whatever hell I'm sliding into.
Maybe, just maybe, one day,
My arm will reach far enough to touch the light.

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ribqah
i saw my genius while i slept
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